as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
