super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
