I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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