Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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