He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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