No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
