the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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