def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
