i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have fence marks all over my body
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
