And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i out mim tonsoeep
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