I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
