it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
