I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
