You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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