I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Someone came in the potted fern
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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