i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
