Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
