Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
