I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
