He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
