Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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