My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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