I love black thongs
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
