I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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