I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
