my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
