I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
