Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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