Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
