Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
