T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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