And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sobbing to NWA
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
