I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
