i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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