Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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