I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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