make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
