Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
