I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
