the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
