Apparently you make a good broom.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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