You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
