I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
