Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
