Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
