we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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