i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
