I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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