literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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