I look better un-naked...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
