I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
