she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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