you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
