You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize