Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
