I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I puked a lego.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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