We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
