Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
