You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
