Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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