So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
