I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
