the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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