Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
