Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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