Michael Bay diarrhea
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Less talking, more tequila
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
